confession

I've indulged in this guilty pleasure for quite a while now, but I think I'm one of the few who can enjoy it while still being conscious of all its terrible flaws.

I'm a closet Twilight fan.

Yes, I can agree that Bella is a selfish, spineless, annoying thing and Edward's controlling overprotective-ness is equally insufferable. (Is it any wonder that I play for Team Jacob? ;D) I know I'd never be able to stay with a guy like that, even if he was impossibly beautiful. But in spite of all that, I still devoured the series within a week. Maybe it was for Jacob...I was over Bella and Edward by the end of New Moon. But that's probably why it was so addictive! I hung onto every word on the page, hoping that Bella would come to her senses and choose Jacob. But alas, it did not happen, though I really wished it could have.

If you have the patience to wade through all the adjectives describing Edward's unearthly good looks and think about the story, it's every pubescent girl's fantasy. Vampires, werewolves, an awkward and insecure heroine--the ultimate supernatural love triangle is born. I'm well aware that these aren't the kind of vampires and werewolves that garner approval among the majority of the male population, but that's pretty much the point. SM's versions of the monsters are "safe" to love and be loved by. Women thrive off the drama of being wanted by two polar epitomes of male perfection, who just happen to be natural enemies on top of the already-insane male rivalry dynamic. Plus, it's essentially a story about first love and we all know how you can never forget your first. Actually, it doesn't even have to be your first. It could even be the first time you start falling in love with anyone, and being engulfed in a romance novel brings back those feelings of euphoria while allowing you to experience the angst without actually getting hurt. Sometimes girls like me just want a good cry for no reason but to cry. lol I'm not saying it makes sense.

I don't think Bella's relationship with Edward is a good model for a healthy relationship at all, and I'm sure it's misled untold legions of teeny boppers into believing that guys should be jealous, possessive, and always on the verge of murdering them. This can no longer be helped; hopefully they'll just grow out of it. For cases like this, though, there's really no excuse. For those who are like me and enjoy escaping into the Twilight world while remaining aware of its sobering imperfections, I'm tired of hiding in my figurative closet and propose starting a club or something so my non-Twilight-loving friends can stop snickering at my Jacob obsession.