it's november 2nd

Did everyone cast their ballots today? It astounds me how frequently I've been encountering people who think their votes don't matter. They have this defeatist or apathetic attitude and I just can't wrap my mind around how they don't see the power they throw away by not voting (never mind that it's kiiind of hypocritical of me to say this since I didn't participate in the 2008 election). Sure, one vote is just a drop in the ocean, but where would your ocean be if it weren't for all those drops?

I've never been all that into politics, but it's hard to stay out of it when you start to realize how much it affects your life, even if you don't immediately feel the impacts. I voted for the first time today, and though I didn't have a position on every issue or make a choice between every candidate, I punched the hell out of my ballot for the ones I did have time to read up on! I'm gonna make it a point to exercise this right to the fullest...just because I can, if for no other reason :)

going the distance

J accepted a job offer from abroad, so now he's making all the necessary travel and housing arrangements, with his departure date contingent on how quickly he can get his visa. I'm really happy for him and also kind of envious because I'd love to take on a position like that, but mostly I'm just unfathomably sad. Not sure how I got through work today without spilling a tear. I've been waiting all day to come home and let it out, except now I just feel numb. I know I'm overreacting...but I'm afraid of what's going to happen now that it's going to be a long-distance relationship, in the truest sense. Now that I think about it, I've spoken to him almost every day for the last four years. We agreed from early on in our relationship that there's no reason not to make it work if the feelings are there, but now that I'm not sure when we'll see each other again...I don't know how to feel. These days it seems like Life is throwing one thing after another at me to sap the happiness out of my days.

It feels like my better half is going to be torn away from me soon. I know this is way more emo than I typically care to show, but I don't know how else to express it. It's not the end of the world, but I didn't think it would actually hurt this much. Ugh. Damn this fragile heart.

via Le Love

unwinding

After a week and a half of nearly nonstop madness, I finally have some time to myself to take care of things that I've been neglecting...like catching up on episodes of Naruto, reading the latest chapter of the manga, playing some SC2 now that my brother is finally home with his gaming-capable laptop, and of course, blogging. I turned down an evening of watching movies with Leigh and Elise so I could do these things, and I'd feel guiltier about it if I wasn't going to spend literally all day with them tomorrow. That didn't prevent Leigh from getting upset with me though, but I don't think she understands how many little projects I have going on and just how hard it's been for me to keep up. When I said that I signed away the next two months of my life, I really meant it. On top of doing overtime at work, I also need to keep up with my internship duties which don't end until late October. I'm just counting down the days until then, while wondering how close my friends will come to disowning me because I've suddenly disappeared from the radar.

roots

Back in high school, I got tired of having straight hair and cultivated a close relationship with my curling iron. It was a beautiful arrangement that granted me the perfectly straight bangs and bouncy curls that were all the rage at the time. So taken was I with my styling tool that I consulted with it almost every other day. I never noticed any decline in my hair's health; having blown it dry after every wash for as long as I could remember, my hair was always on the crispy side.

But then while I was bored in English class one fateful day, I began toying with my hair and inspecting my ends. To my horror, I discovered a mutated split end, the monster of all split ends. The unfortunate strand bore an uncanny resemblance to a feather. Such is the result of copious amounts of heat abuse! After carefully plucking it out by the root, I almost wanted to keep it as my prized abomination. But that seemed kind of gross so I just threw it away.

I stopped curling it so much after that, but I couldn't give up my blowdryer. It didn't seem as villainous and having stick-straight hair with the blowdryer was better than having wavy hair with air-drying (my perfectionism would not allow such a compromise). But a few years ago, I seemed to be shedding a lot every time I washed my hair so I began to covet volume. And because life is ironic, the air-drying method that I so vehemently resisted in my younger days gave me my solution. My hair dries with waves in it this way, which somehow works to give me the illusion of more hair. My vanity and I approve.

I can't brush it or else it'd be pointless, but this falls perfectly in line with my laziness.

Enter my mom. I'm minding my own business, tossing my hair around to hasten the drying process and she tells me to brush it because it's not straight. I tell her that achieving waviness is the whole point. Then she abruptly changes the subject, asking if I dyed my hair, to which I paused in disbelief before saying I dyed it practically a year ago. "Your ends are all brown," she said, in the manner of a halfhearted protest.

"I think it looks nicer that way." Gives my mane some dimension, if you ask me.

She appears to harbor an unfounded fear that I'm going to forget my roots or deny my ethnic identity because I'm supposedly rejecting straight black hair. Silly mother. Is there only one accepted form of beauty? I guess there is for her. Based on the information I've gathered, I can only conclude that she wants me to go goth.

domestication

So it seems that many of my friends from middle school and high school are getting pregnant and/or married. It's strange to think that people I once went to school with have decided to start families already. To be honest, I can't even begin to fathom what that would be like. I have long moved beyond the legal age of consent, but I definitely don't have the mental or emotional maturity to be a parent yet. In fact, I don't think I could ever grow up enough in that regard. I can barely handle my potty-trained 6-year-old cousin for more than fifteen minutes at a time, let alone a wailing baby whose constant needs would be more than I could handle (because they'd have to be put above my own. lol!) I'm still in the midst of an (almost) quarter-life crisis, trying to figure out what I want to achieve in the next five years, and making a mini part-me isn't on the list. Not that starting a family at this age is necessarily a bad thing, but in my case a guaranteed ass-kicking from my parents is a pretty good deterrent.

I don't think J's parents are too keen on having a grandchild on their hands either, but it doesn't seem like that has stopped them from thinking about marriage. (What the hell?) His mom asks me questions that make it sound like she's screening for a future daughter-in-law. They sound really innocuous on the surface, but I just know she's testing me. "Do you cook at home? What kind of dishes do you cook? Have you found a job yet? Can you take J shopping for new clothes? You should tell J to get a haircut, he doesn't listen to me." And when I'm not around, "J, does Scarlet treat you well? Does she know how to clean? If she wants to do the dishes, just let her do them." Don't get me wrong, she's very nice to me whenever I visit. But it gets tiring when I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around someone, you know?

The best scene played out in a car ride with his parents, sister, and grandparents while we were on the way home from dinner. His grandma, this cute little woman with cropped gray hair, turns to me and says, "So Scarlet, are you religious?" I knew my answer could be damaging, but there was no way out of it. "Um, no." I might have tried to salvage the situation by throwing in the fact that my family is sort of religious, but that might have made it worse and an uncomfortable silence followed anyway. Someone said something after that, but I don't remember what because I was having a meltdown inside.

Inexplicably, his family still likes me. I guess I'm just that awesome :3

P.S. Blasting trance and blogging in your underwear when you're home alone is a winning combination.

THOR IS HERE

I came home from breakfast with the grandparents to find SC2 on my doorstep. Now all I need is my brother to bring himself and, more importantly, his gaming-capable laptop home so I can get in on the action! Hahaha, this is ridiculous. I've been anticipating this release for months now, knowing very well that once I got it, my computer wouldn't be able to handle it.



Since I can remember, I've lived with the bare necessities in life. Even when it came to entertainment, I simply shared toys with my brother while growing up. But now it's becoming increasingly more difficult because we're in different places. Like I said before, PC gaming is a little awkward for me, but it would be much more convenient than having to lug around a console everywhere I go. Plus, I'm starting to feel like I've been missing out on a lot. Which is why I've started tossing around the idea of having J build me a rig in the near future.

Once again, money is the limiting factor. It's not that I can't spare several hundred dollars right now, but the sheer fact that I don't need to spend it prevents me from acting on this new urge. SOMEONE HIRE ME ALREADY.

shun the non-believer, shunnn

An interesting story about atheists came out a couple days ago, which you can read here. Basically, people who were baptized when they were younger (and consequently had no say in it) wanted to symbolically reverse the procedure in a mass de-baptism ceremony, which featured a blow-dryer marked "Reason and Truth."

The most common response I've seen to this article so far has been something like, "If they're atheists, why do they even bother with de-baptism?" To call these people atheists might be a bit misleading, as the term connotes an indifference to religion because there is a lack of belief. At least, that was my understanding of it. It might be more accurate to call them anti-theists because they're trying to make a statement against a religious practice (and Christianity in general, I suppose?). I mean, they're not really reversing anything by taking a blast of hot air to the face. It's really just for the "shock value," as someone in the article puts it.

I asked J about baptism once. Taking it from someone who got baptized himself, the ceremony is simply a display of faith. But the issue at hand isn't exactly baptism; it's religion versus "Reason and Truth." Even if that's the case, I think reconciliation is possible between the two. However, it requires being open-minded toward both worlds, which unfortunately is not always possible for some groups.

I lost my train of thought because I'm really bad at multitasking. So in conclusion, when it comes to religion, South Park has the right idea.

Season 5, Episode 4, if you must know.

aubergine

It hardly needs to be repeated, but ugh--YouTube is amazing. So much useful information at your disposal! Yeah, the same can be said about the Internet, but now you can imagine how awesome that must be. Anyway, I digress.

I was clicking through some Gordon Ramsay videos, and "aubergine caviar" caught my eye. What in the world is aubergine? I thought. So then I'm watching him give his introduction, and then he pulls out a freakin' eggplant. How anticlimactic. Leave it to the British to use a pompous word like "aubergine" for something that can plainly be called "eggplant." lol But I rather like it.

Eggplant will invariably remind me of one thing every time it comes up, and every time I can't resist telling the story to any poor soul who is willing to listen because it's nearly the stupidest thing in the world.

One silly night, three years ago, I was chatting online with The Woman and somehow we got on the topic of eggplant. I asserted that it looks pretty gross when it's cooked, at least in the ways I've seen it prepared, but also added a disclaimer about never having tried it so I can't speak for its taste. Something along the following lines ensued:

"Hey, you better watch what you say next time because eggplant happens to be one of my favorite foods."

"Well, you can say it's your favorite food, but I still think it looks gross."

This looks delicious to me now, but tell me it doesn't look a little like tentacles.

The argument starts to escalate after a little more back and forth as neither of us would yield. Then, as if trying to concede and put the whole thing behind us (read: make me shut up):

"I guess it's just because Americans aren't as exposed to eggplant dishes."

Bitch PLEASE. Cooked eggplant looks like slimy tentacles because I'm too "American"? lol So then we started arguing about the degree of my Americanization. There were tears, angry tears on my end. We didn't speak for a bit, I took a walk, then I called to apologize. Bleh! In retrospect, I almost wish that had ended the relationship. It really was that stupid.

But I had the last word several months later, oh yes. When he insisted that he had to talk to me in person and handed me 8 pages (some front and back) detailing my flaws, our problems, and away messages he didn't understand, I broke up with him and the poor fool cried. I know, I'm a bitch.

skin deep

If I got a dollar for every time my mother has told me that "pale is beautiful," I'd have enough money to rent my own place indefinitely. But then there goes my primary source of income. Oh, Life, you bastard.

Nearly every time I decide to wear shorts on a warm day, she feels the need to remind me that "being pale will make even ugly people look beautiful." Or something like that. lol What is she trying to tell me here? Is it even possible to stay pale in SoCal? Maybe if I stayed indoors every summer, but what on earth would I do that for? You'd think that after having spent more than a decade telling me this and seeing that I refuse to wear jeans in 100 degree weather, she'd give it up. That, and the two years of high school tennis that left me ten shades darker after every season.

Besides, I'd just look pasty...and all my skin imperfections would show up more vividly. Anne Hathaway and Christina Hendricks can pull off that ivory-skinned look, but they'd probably burn if they tried to go any darker :P

Apparently, CH is naturally a blonde? I like redheads more, but that's just my preference :)

Concerns about sun damage and skin cancer aside, I can stay in the sun for a pretty long time without burning. Although, I recently learned that you can get sunburned without feeling any pain...if you touch an area that was exposed and it leaves a red mark, it's supposedly evidence of sun damage. Better not to risk it and just use a sunscreen with an SPF of at least 15. The higher the SPF the better, but only to a certain degree. Some articles say anything higher than SPF 50 yields a barely detectable increase in protection, while other sources place the cap at SPF 90.

This one smells sooo good, it could double up as perfume!

Anyway, I firmly believe that almost anything is fine in moderation. Having a light tan makes me feel a little less like I've spent the last year in a cave. Plus, can't do without that vitamin D :)

switching

I'm all caught up on the Naruto manga and faced with the same dilemma I had with watching just the anime...I have to wait for a new chapter every week now ;_; On the bright side, at least there's another thing I have to look forward to every week. Or another thing that will drive me crazy with an insatiable thirst for knowing WHAT COMES NEXT. Such is the trouble with getting caught up in a series that hasn't concluded itself yet.

I'm told I look like Karin. I rather agree with that.
I have no rights to this picture. Masashi Kishimoto, please don't sue me.

I fear that I have been too lax and carelessly allowed my nerdy self to overstep its boundaries in real life. Confound you, Facebook mini-feed, for announcing to all and sundry my intention to attend the SC2 launch party (and for making it so complicated to keep certain things private)! I gave FB the benefit of my doubt and thought this little detail could have escaped notice until a friend posted on my wall, asking if I am indeed a SC fan. Not wanting to snub her, I proudly declared my allegiance to the Protoss race. Ah, the social complications of having "nerdy" interests...


J tells me that I should be proud of my "nerdy" tendencies and embrace it as a part of who I am. If only it were that simple...! Or perhaps I'm only making it complicated. But I feel like there really are a lot more social variables to deal with when flaunting "atypical" interests to people who may not necessarily enjoy them the way I do. For example, among my best friends, one can definitely appreciate "nerdy," while another one seems to be neutral, and another will tease me about that side of me if I allow it to come up in conversation. It's not a huge inconvenience to me, but I've learned to simply mute that side of me to avoid any comments when I'm with her. I can never be too sure that she's NOT tacitly judging me. lol That's my main issue with most girls...you can never say what you really mean for fear of the fallout.

On the other hand, I am usually inclined to pick gender-neutral names when I need to create IDs on the internet. Everyone is under the impression that it's overwhelmingly composed of males, but I'm sure a disproportionate amount of females comprise the online gaming community. Those who are like me and prefer to game incognito are probably thinking, a) "I don't want to get harassed, I get enough of that in real life," b) "If I reveal myself, I'd be considered an attention whore," c) "I want people to respect me for my awesome skillzzz," or a variant d) "I suck at this but I don't want them to think it's because I'm a girl."

Fortunately, my most recent experiences with divulging my gender online have not invited any unwanted attention. There are communities who can keep it polite, and maybe even (dare I say it?) chivalrous. It's strange to say it, but I keep my gender to myself out of a certain fear. An analogy may not be necessary, but it's like women who work in male-dominated environments. They're expected to exhibit traits that are considered masculine while preserving some air of femininity. It's such a fine line to walk that I'd rather just choose a side, and I've chosen male-ness.

At the end of the day, this blog is my safe haven to talk about this stuff as much as I want without the anxiety that comes with having to decipher the telling looks of un-like-minded friends. Bless the Internet and its anonymity, for better or worse!

teeheehee

I got way too excited when I heard that a SC2 launch party is going to be hosted at Harvey Mudd College on the 26th. And then I took my giddiness to whole new levels of ridiculous when, after some persuasion from J, I sent a Facebook message to the host, who happens to be a top American player, inquiring about logistics and received a response in which he not only answered my questions but also insisted that he has met me in real life before because he recognized my name and face. This was quite plausible because a) I was attending another one of the Claremont Colleges while he was still there and b) I was not into the SC pro-gaming scene so I could have met him and forgotten about him, ignorant as I was at the time. So anyway, he sent me a friend request, which I happily confirmed before proceeding to bask in the dizzying afterglow of my fanaticism.

THE END.

Exhibit A shows what I DON'T look like even while in fangirl mode.

confession

I've indulged in this guilty pleasure for quite a while now, but I think I'm one of the few who can enjoy it while still being conscious of all its terrible flaws.

I'm a closet Twilight fan.

Yes, I can agree that Bella is a selfish, spineless, annoying thing and Edward's controlling overprotective-ness is equally insufferable. (Is it any wonder that I play for Team Jacob? ;D) I know I'd never be able to stay with a guy like that, even if he was impossibly beautiful. But in spite of all that, I still devoured the series within a week. Maybe it was for Jacob...I was over Bella and Edward by the end of New Moon. But that's probably why it was so addictive! I hung onto every word on the page, hoping that Bella would come to her senses and choose Jacob. But alas, it did not happen, though I really wished it could have.

If you have the patience to wade through all the adjectives describing Edward's unearthly good looks and think about the story, it's every pubescent girl's fantasy. Vampires, werewolves, an awkward and insecure heroine--the ultimate supernatural love triangle is born. I'm well aware that these aren't the kind of vampires and werewolves that garner approval among the majority of the male population, but that's pretty much the point. SM's versions of the monsters are "safe" to love and be loved by. Women thrive off the drama of being wanted by two polar epitomes of male perfection, who just happen to be natural enemies on top of the already-insane male rivalry dynamic. Plus, it's essentially a story about first love and we all know how you can never forget your first. Actually, it doesn't even have to be your first. It could even be the first time you start falling in love with anyone, and being engulfed in a romance novel brings back those feelings of euphoria while allowing you to experience the angst without actually getting hurt. Sometimes girls like me just want a good cry for no reason but to cry. lol I'm not saying it makes sense.

I don't think Bella's relationship with Edward is a good model for a healthy relationship at all, and I'm sure it's misled untold legions of teeny boppers into believing that guys should be jealous, possessive, and always on the verge of murdering them. This can no longer be helped; hopefully they'll just grow out of it. For cases like this, though, there's really no excuse. For those who are like me and enjoy escaping into the Twilight world while remaining aware of its sobering imperfections, I'm tired of hiding in my figurative closet and propose starting a club or something so my non-Twilight-loving friends can stop snickering at my Jacob obsession.

sc + cnn = !@#$

I got on YouTube today and under "Recommended for You," I was linked to this baby:

Curious, I clicked on it to see what they had to say. By no means was I expecting an accurate portrayal of StarCraft, especially from a mainstream media network, but I never imagined it could be so hilariously bad.

"Gamers choose one of three tribes in an intergalactic fight to control the universe's natural resources." lol I don't even know what to say about this. Yes...but no. Races > Tribes. Ignoring the gushing enthusiasm that sounds almost like mockery as she describes her "life-or-death struggle," her explanation is pretty watered down, which is fine since it's an introduction to something that not many are familiar with. But damn, it's characterizations like this that makes gamers seem so dorky for even spending time on games like this!

I'm not a hardcore gamer so I can't get TOO defensive, but this is the first PC game I've ever played so it is rather near and dear to my little heart. Point is, it's not as silly as the reporter made it sound. Otherwise it wouldn't have become a competitive sport over which tournaments are held and where actual money is at stake. And it's still popular 12 years after its release in 1998, with a second installment on its way.

Looking forward to StarCraft II's upcoming release in July!

dress codes

Women seem to have a lot more options compared to men in terms of workplace clothing (at least when it comes to business casual attire), but that also means we have a higher probability of offending someone for whatever reason.

Case in point: http://www.businessinsider.com/debrahlee-lorenzana-citi-2010-6

First of all, there are so many ways to interpret business casual. In that particular case, it looks like she was going for a stricter interpretation of this vague dress code. But despite her displayed wardrobe falling well within the boundaries of what can be considered business casual, I can see why her managers claimed to be "distracted" by her presence.

So who should have been responsible for dealing with this issue? I'm sure the employee knew that some of her outfits were more provocative than others, not because of their designs per se but because of her body type. However, does that mean she should have made an effort to limit her choices to pant suits and turtlenecks? Or should her bosses have stopped thinking with the wrong heads and just let the matter go?

I'm more inclined to go with the latter solution. Especially because I know how hard it is to find clothes that will (in the case of bottoms) fit me without the assistance of a belt while simultaneously accepting the relatively heavier proportions of my bottom half. Seriously, I've never found a pair of pants that fit me perfectly. So maybe I'm a little biased against people who can so blatantly discriminate against someone for things that she can hardly control.

Plus, who tells a woman that she can't wear heels to work? I don't care for wearing heels regularly myself, but I'd hate to have that option taken away from me. It seems to be common knowledge that many of us will go to crazy lengths to look good anyway, so why rain on our parade?

a bone to pick

What frustrates me most about fashion's take on female jeans is its limited utility! It seems like I'd have to sacrifice looking good if I wanted the same kind of convenience that guys enjoy from their pants. Jeans have always felt kind of restrictive for me, especially in high school when I ran track and my butt and thighs were massive! lol Stretch denim became my best friend, needless to say. And now that tight pants are in vogue, I have a hard time finding a pair that will also accommodate my monstrous calves. Is there no compromise that allows for looking nice AND being comfortable for us bottom-heavy people?

Plus, what's with the small pockets? Are they small because designers assume we're going to use purses to carry all our things? Maybe I'd rather fit all my necessities into some substantial pockets than have to carry a purse when I go out and do things that inevitably require the use of my hands...

Speaking of hands, jewelry is pretty much the same story. I'd love to decorate myself with crazy pieces and I love the look of certain styles, but I also love comfort and convenience. Is this problem just inherent to female fashion?


(Clover Web Bracelet)


(Clover Four Finger Web Bracelet)