updates long overdue

I know, I know. It's been AGES since I last posted. Never mind that my being back stopped being true almost immediately...which is why I won't make any promises about sticking around this time.

So what have I been up to for the past year? Well, if you haven't already guessed it, I finally managed to escape from the clutches of Boss and launched myself into...the black abyss of unemployment. Luckily, that state was only temporary, but so was the arrangement that landed me in San Diego for six months. It's okay though, because, although short-lived, it meant I got to be closer to J and had the chance to move towards a career change.

Now I'm back in LA as a full-time student (once again) and in the clutches of another potentially crazy employer (once again), to hear the way my new coworkers tell it. At least that'll guarantee a constant stream of blogging material, eh? And just to keep adding to the parallelism, J is moving to DC for law school in less than two months. Fuck me, right?

But seriously, aside from some hiccups, life's been pretty swell. I've learned so much in the time I spent away from home, and I'm grateful for all the wonderful people I've met and enriching experiences I've had since then. On that note, I leave you with my feel-good song from the past few days:

"The Queen" by Lady Gaga

i'm baaack

I wish I had a compelling reason for the lack of updates, but I don't. A stubborn case of the winter doldrums just had me really down for a while, and no amount of food or holiday cheer could bring me out of it. But now that it's still bright outside by the time I get off work and the second season of Game of Thrones is in full swing and J IS BACK IN THE COUNTRY, I find that there isn't much to be down about these days. However...

I am still as much of a doormat as I was three months ago. Yes, I'm STILL toiling away at the same job, but in my defense, the quality of the work environment has shown a marked improvement since I turned in my resignation. At one point, Boss's behavior was even bordering on saccharine. I remain skeptical about the sincerity behind this treatment, but it seems like Boss may finally be catching on to the fact that people value their eardrums and tend to harbor less resentment when things are asked and not demanded of them.

Though progress is being made on that front, we haven't had much luck in finding a replacement for me. We have interviewed some candidates for my position, but it seems the forces are working against Boss (or me?) as none of them have accepted the job despite it being offered to each and every one of them. They must've sensed that something was amiss. I think most people would when a prospective employer's loquaciousness drags out a first interview for four grueling hours. (For the record, I had the (mis)fortune of interviewing with someone else when I was hired.)

So when will I ever leave this accursed position, you ask? Well, I'm aiming to leave by the end of May. Seriously this time. After all, the velvety beaches of San Diego await me for Memorial Day weekend...

the end is near

I finally turned in my letter of resignation. Being the magnanimous person that I am, I gave four weeks' notice. This would have been ample time at any other company. But remember, mine is not your typical company where a resignation goes unquestioned. No, there is MANIPULATION at work here!

Boss tried to convince me to stay triple that time because "losing so many staff at the same time would be too crazy." Well, is that really my fault? But being the stupid person that I am, I will probably stay for two more months. Ugh, somebody slap me.

full circle

It's funny. Ever since they tried to put their moves on me, DfmB and Food Dude seem to have disappeared off the face of the earth. I wonder if it's just a coincidence or if they actually had a secret mission to get a date and failure to do so could only end in termination.

Whatever it was that happened, it's left things in a pretty sorry state at work now, with Boss as my only form of "entertainment." However, the company is throwing a holiday party, and it just so happens that it'll be held at the venue where I met Sketchy.

I thought the worse that could happen was running into him there, but the phone rang today and you'll never guess who called to hash out event details with me. The best part was when he did the verbal version of a double take. After asking me to repeat my name, recognition seemed to dawn on him in that split second of hesitation before he pointedly asked, "How are you?"

healthy lungs

I sat in the break room drafting my resignation letter on my Blackberry in silence. Boss's shouting got louder and louder with every word I typed, and every decibel seemed to increase with as much remorse as I felt for every letter I punched in.

By the time I had finished, Boss was still going. The fact that Boss could still achieve those levels of sound even with a bad case of bronchitis was astounding. I'm surprised my coworker still had a face after that.

withdrawal

November has been one hectic month.

Having to work 11-hour days wasn't the worst thing I've ever had to do, except that made it really hard to get packed up in time for a red-eye flight across the world to see J. I managed (no thanks to Boss who kept me 2.5 hours past the time I meant to leave on the day of my flight).

Anyway, do I even have to tell you the trip was amazing? For nine fleetingly blissful days, our regimen consisted almost entirely of copious amounts of eating, shopping, sexing, and gaming. Then it was time for me to come back to LA, just when I had finally gotten over my jet lag.

Damn it, this is so hard.

&&&

Over the use of an ampersand on an invitation card:

"It looks horrible. It's not tasteful. Why can't you just use 'and'?"

"Do you want me to spell it out, a-n-d? Or do you just want me to change the font?" (It was Monotype Corsiva.)

"Yeah, 'and.' People aren't going to know what this is."

"Okay, so I'm going to spell it out then. A-n-d."

"No, just use '&.' This looks horrible."

"That is '&.' It only looks like that because of that font. So you want me to change the font?"

"Yeah, because it's not tasteful. When you look at it, do you think people will know what that is? Doesn't it look horrible?"

"No, it looks fine to me."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I mean, it depends who's looking at it. You're asking a really subjective question."

"You only think that because you haven't seen what is the best."

Really? Really? Talk to me again when you discover what fonts are. I mean, what exactly is the "best" font anyway? I would've been less offended if we had talked about what could've been a better font.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&!!!

goal-setting

In today's episode of Life as the Office Bitch, Scarlet gets an earful of self righteous drivel about how she shouldn't befriend "losers" who will drag her down, how people don't have direction in life if they don't have goals, and how "scary" it is that some can go through life that way...which was provoked by responding to Boss with a tepid "okay" when Boss told her not to ignore a certain email. Even seemingly innocuous things like acknowledging an instruction is not immune to scrutiny.

For those 45 minutes, I sat there with an inward smirk, wondering what Boss would do if I revealed that I am, in fact, one of those damnably directionless "losers." Why, I would be terminated, surely? Then Boss would no longer have to worry about the likes of me defiling the work environment with my erroneous ways of thinking.

"I don't have the direction or the heart to keep working with you." I almost said it out loud.

Actually though, to say that I don't have any goals or direction right now is untrue...because we all know my #1 goal is to get the fuck away from Boss ASAP.

micromanagement

As if controlling every little step we take within the realm of work isn't already enough, Boss felt it was time to give me another push in the "right" direction during one of our meetings last week. What was the problem? My note-taking. Specifically, the lack of contrast between the important and less important instructions.

After Boss finished complaining that it was beyond understanding why we were given all the tools (e.g., highlighters, multicolored pens, sticky tabs, permission to breathe) to help us be efficient workers but don't use them, I explained that I have my own system that works for me (which doesn't include color-coding at every juncture, you twat).

But of course it was futile. I was told that while Boss respected the fact that I had my own system, Boss was merely trying to offer ways to improve it as it "may not be the best," adding that Boss was an efficient student back in the day so Boss must've been doing it right.

Never mind the condescension that was palpable in Boss's tone. Never mind that I could've rewritten my notes twice and finished all the tasks I was just given in the time it took for Boss to deliver this self-serving soliloquy. Next thing I knew, Boss was sitting there and staring at me expectantly. With little will left to endure another lecture provoked by dissension, I slowly uncapped my highlighter and grudgingly dotted the page with the tiniest of marks. And Boss looked on in smug satisfaction. Ugh.

A few days later, while I was jotting down another set of instructions, Boss brought up that I should be sent to a class to learn the "best" way to take notes.

Because we're all automatons that operate the same way, yes?

i hate salespeople

"See Scarlet, now that you worked on this [assignment], you will know what people are looking for [in an employee]."

Boss's attempts to "sell" my job to me is nothing new. In addition to comments like the above which allude to all the useful knowledge I'm gaining in this position, I am also constantly reminded how:

• grad schools are looking for people with 2-3 solid years of work experience ("You have to get through me first."),
  
• I'm so lucky to have a "mentor" like Boss because other managers wouldn't bother taking the time to explain tasks in such (excruciatingly long-winded and emotionally-charged) detail, and
  
• I'm getting such a bargain because at least I have a job AND I'm getting paid to learn while I'm at it.
  

But let's stop and consider for a moment. If you actually feel the need to convince me I have a great job, chances are it's probably not all that great...because if the product you're offering is as good as you say it is, shouldn't the quality speak for itself?

emotions in the workplace

“Emotions and emotion management are a prominent feature of organizational life. It is crucial “to create a publicly observable and desirable emotional display as a part of a job role.” ^[6]

^*****

“Stress is the problem of each person feeling it. [Negative emotions] can be caused by “poor leadership, lack of guidance, lack of support and backup.

*****

Showing stress reveals weakness, therefore, employees suppress their negative emotions at work and home.

*****

Marital and Family- Spouses and children can feel the crossover effects of burnout brought home from the workplace. Depleted levels of energy which effect home management is another consequence. Organizational- Negative feelings at work effect “employee moral, turnover rate, commitment to the organization”.^[28]

*****

“Professional women who express anger may experience a decrease rather than an increase in their status. Women are expected to be kinder and more modest than men, and they evoke negative responses from other people if they fail to conform to this prescriptive stereotype”.^[30]

*****

Full Wikipedia article here.

emotional tyranny

Emotional Tyranny is a phrase first used by Dr. Vincent Waldron, professor of Communication Studies at Arizona State University, to describe the use of emotion by powerful organizational members in a manner that is perceived to be destructive, controlling, unjust, and even cruel.^[1]

^*****

That is, organizational relationships are unique to others, and the work place provides an interesting context in which we can experience emotions.

^*****

Nonverbally, emotional tyranny is practiced through the intensity, duration, and intermittence of emotional displays. For example, "an emotionally-abusive boss may express emotions at great volume, for unusually long periods of time, in unpredictable bursts and ever-changing hues."^[6]

Emotional language is used to suggest perceived shortcomings in the moral character of workers or to “motivate desired behavioral responses." Benign or otherwise positive language in other contexts are now used to harm. In his research, Waldron found workers have been described as “too eager and excited,” “shameless,” “emotionally undercarbonated” , “grumpy,” “wimpy,” “fearless,” “lacking personal pride,” “explosive,” and as having a “chip on her shoulder.”^[7]

Tactics. Powerful people design communication that elicits or changes emotional responses (false concern or faking, vanquishing emotions from work, emotional blackmail).

*****

Emotional tyranny, like workplace bullying, has potentially devastating effects. "Fear, frustration, and rage, often appear in narratives about supervisory abuses of power. Hopeless despair or burning indignation may be the emotional reaction to repeated and persistent misuses of power."^[4] What's worse, Waldron argues that when emotional manipulation is the norm, relationships with powerful others become less authentic, more guarded, ethically compromised, and anxiety ridden. Waldron contends that powerful people should feel more responsibility to engage in responsible emotional behavior.

...yes, it was absolutely necessary to quote nearly the entire Wikipedia article.

haiku

Very fine frown lines,

I suddenly noticed them,

Etches on my face.

I WONDER WHAT WHO COULD HAVE INDUCED THEIR PREMATURE APPEARANCE.

Time to stock up on the best smoothing serums and anti-wrinkle creams that money can buy.

Fuck.

pseudo-alcoholic

This job is turning me into one.

For the past few weeks, every time I've had a bad day at work, I've come home wanting nothing more than a stiff drink.

But I've only given in to those urges on weekends.

I also heard through the pathetically sparse grapevine that Boss is thinking about promoting me since another coworker is preparing to leave. Little does Boss know, I don't plan on staying past 2011.

MAKE ME STICK TO THIS PLAN.

make me a sandwich!

On the subject of partnering with your spouse to create a business:

"You will be paying for his business trips. You better find a good husband or you will be paying for him to fool around with another woman."

You'd better stop talking about husbands to me, or I'm going to get married and quit this job so he can support me instead. While I pop out babies for him. Isn't that all a woman is good for?

How I would love to quit right now.

imposing much?

"My goal is to help you plan your wedding."

What I wanted to say:
1) I'm not getting married any time soon.
2) I'm going to plan my own god damn wedding, thanks.
3) What the fuck is wrong with you?

What actually came out of my mouth:
"Oh....heh heh." *fidget*

Why is Boss so fixated on my marital status? How does one even respond to unsolicited offers like this? Ugggh.

business as usual

"What is the correlation between A and B? Do you know what is correlation?"

Yeah, unless you've created your own twisted interpretation of that word too. "Yes. A will help us fulfill B."

"You're on the right track. What is the correlation?"

Repeating the question when I've already given you my answer is not going to make me understand what you're getting at. "Isn't that the correlation? I'm not seeing it."

"...what is the correlation?"

Fuck you fuck you fuck you just tell me what you wanted me to say because anything I say will be wrong to you anyway. "Define correlation."

Interpersonal work relationships are weird. Being blunt can get you into all kinds of trouble.

things are happening!

I got offered an interview! But scheduling the damn thing has been difficult since I'm out of town for the next two weeks. Fuuuck.

And then there's the small, somewhat unexpected issue of feeling guilty for potentially leaving the office in figurative shambles since one coworker has already decided to resign (and the other soon to follow). Having a conscience is really inconvenient.

On the bright side, I get to see J soon. Sooo excited!

you can't make this up

Just when I think the demands of my job could not get any more ridiculous, a gigantic steaming pile gets dropped on us.

According to Boss,

• we will have to travel 6,000 miles for work
• our related travel and housing expenses may not be covered by the company, and
• we will also be working for free.

I waited to hear just ONE redeeming feature of this business trip, but it never came. All I got was, "It'll be a great experience," which I'm sorry to say is not very convincing.

At this rate, my resignation letter practically writes itself. Now it's just a matter of when I should submit it...

crunch time

Everyone at the office had important deadlines to meet all week, but Boss's infuriating knack for coming up with new things to do and changing the entire game plan at the last minute thoroughly undermined our plans of getting off on time as everything absolutely had to be finished by today.

To our great dismay, even leaving for an off-site meeting didn't keep Boss from calling in literally every five minutes to give us instructions we'd already been given. And get this--the first three calls were to ask whether we'd finished the tasks we were given yet so that we could join Boss at the meeting, even after Boss told us to stay behind to finish up. Yo, does it look like I have the power to manipulate space-time? (Even if I did, you don't pay me enough to use it.) Please tell me who can finish a two-hour task in half that time whilst getting interrupted by phone calls every five minutes, because I'd really like to meet this wizard.

After eight hours of nonstop work (save for a brief ten-minutes where we scrambled to shovel some food into our mouths), my coworker and I were finally reduced to fits of uncontrollable laughter, a telltale sign of our stress-induced delirium. By that time, our manager could only look on with amusement and sympathy.

Then the phone rang for the thirtieth time that day and we all spontaneously combusted.