lull

Life has been supremely boring lately and while I do enjoy a bout of smooth sailing, I think it's high time I get back on the crazy train. Problem is, I never want to do anything when it's raining and it's rained for like, three-quarters of December.

So my newly acquired indoor hobby is perusing Reddit...more specifically, the pages of a subreddit on seduction and my oh my, is it fascinating. It never occurred to me that men would look at the game of seduction so methodically. Now, is it silly to wonder whether there's a similar subreddit with some more female representation? The norm is that guys are the ones who do the chasing and girls should just wait to be pursued. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'd even go so far to say that in most cases guys don't even need to be seduced because they'll rarely say no to a girl, provided she's decently attractive. Anyway, bottom line is, I'm intrigued by the game now but I don't really know how a female's methodical approach should look since I've always just relied on my instincts.

Enter older man #2, who is the one to initiate and I find it to be the perfect opportunity for some experimentation. As J put it, the goal is to "toy with him" and see how far he'd take it. However, the situation is slightly complicated by some sticky details.

Not only did I meet this guy through work, but he's also related to one of Boss's colleagues. He's also old enough to be my young father...kind of like the first guy who tried. But the difference with this guy is, he was one of the more attractive people at the event at which we met. It may be why I didn't immediately reject his advances the moment I detected flirtation...who doesn't like getting their egos stroked once in a while?

This may very well end up being one of my many bad decisions, but it's been pretty entertaining so far. (Obviously that trumps all else.) Except I think I blew it by being too detached. I guess he went out on a limb to put the ball in my court but all I did was pass it back to him. He didn't take too well to that as he ended the conversation right after he got my response. LOL. And damn it, that shit bothers me. I wonder if that's part of the female reaction or if it's just the Scarlet reaction.

On the bright side, at least my march into professional suicide has been slowed...for the time being.

i always do this

Currently scrambling to find something fun to do on New Year's Eve and since sex is out of the question, I'm beginning to flirt with the idea of swimming in drugs and alcohol. Maybe not so much the drugs, but if I impulsively buy a ticket to TAO...

What do I dooooo?

macabre

For some reason, this kind of style really fascinates me...in the same way people can't tear themselves away from something really gross or shocking.

If you want to indulge in some more creepiness, you can see the rest here.

early resolution

People can be placed into one of two categories: 1. Those who draw their strength from others and 2. Those who draw their strength from within.

I belong in the former. "I would like someone to never give up on me, the way I always give up on myself." Yes, I've posted about her a lot, but the connection she feels to Daul is kinda like what I feel to her.

Even though I'm lucky enough to have that someone, it's not a guarantee like having myself. Other people can only take so much. I guess it's something I can work on in the coming year.

I'm throwing this in here because the chorus seems appropriate.

And the synth-y version which J will surely think is crap because he doesn't like any of my synthpop :P

panic room

I NEED TO GET OUT.

Boss had a talk with me today. Asked what my future plans were, i.e. whether I'd decided to stay with the company. Uh, that would be an emphatic NO. But it would have been a display of the utmost imprudence to say this to Boss, of course. You have to be tactful when dealing with these situations, even when it's all you can do to keep yourself from spitting in your employer's face and skipping away gleefully. (For the record, I would never do such a thing :D)

Anyway, I ended up telling the truth, albeit not the whole truth. Which ended up sounding very vague because of the details I left out and, sensing these weaknesses, Boss pounced.

Boss felt it necessary to raise the following questions as a result of my seeming uncertainty:

• Can I afford graduate school?
• Would I go to school full-time or part-time?
• Where am I hoping to go with my current degree?
• Am I going back for a "career" degree? What will it help me accomplish?
• Am I going to law school? Why do I want to limit myself to law in the field I studied? (Uh, because it's MY interest? Does it look like I give a flying fuck what YOU want me to study, Boss?)
  

All this under the pretense that we were speaking as friends and I could voice my thoughts frankly. Mmhmm. The unease evoked by this line of questioning not only stemmed from the fact that I never thought of Boss as my friend at all, but it's also because I see no kindness or generosity in the things that Boss says or does. There's always an ulterior motive, despite what Boss may want people to believe. Our entire conversation screamed manipulative intent.

At this point, I don't really care how certain my plans are. I just know I need to get out soon. The high turnover rate of staff has been entirely due to Boss, but Boss appears to have remained oblivious to this.

i put on my robe and wizard hat

The effects of involuntary celibacy are beginning to take hold. My subconscious is up to its old tricks again and has been coming up with all sorts of taboo things which have been surfacing in Dream World. Believe me when I say this has never happened before, but my mind decided to play its own little fan fiction for my viewing pleasure, setting the dream in...Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Complete with a pleated skirt, wizard robes, invisibility cloak and a magic wand of a different sort.

It's only been a month since J left. ??? more to go. FUUUUUUU.

birds of a feather

I actually went to see Black Swan last Friday, and it was pretty difficult getting tickets since it was only being shown at two theaters in all of LA but we persevered and got decent assigned seating at The Landmark. If you didn't know, the film's a psychological thriller about a possibly bisexual ballerina. I wasn't sure what to expect going into this movie, but I was intrigued enough by the concept to put in my $13.

She cries a lot in this one. Still manages to look beautiful though.

The movie explores the pressures of competition within a professional dance company, accented by seduction and sexual curiosity while throwing a dysfunctional mother-daughter relationship into the mix. Some of the special effects were on the cheesy side but mostly the film was kind of disturbing. I especially liked the doppelganger motif...I shall say no more in case you plan on seeing it for yourself. Or read Wikipedia like I did, though it doesn't offer a detailed synopsis.

At the behest of yours truly, we hopped over to Yogurtland afterward for a late night sugar fix even though it was cooold outside. (There's no wrong time for frozen yogurt.) So we found out that Yogurtland is doing this 12 Days of Yuletide Yumminess promotion and unfortunately for me, they're not featuring the tiramisu flavor until the 9th. Booooo. They also ran out of my favorite original tart flavor so I had to settle for the cranberry tart instead. To make up for the substitution, I piled on so much mochi and chocolate-everything that my topping-yogurt ratio ended up quite disproportionate. Who didn't see that coming from a mile away?

December is either going to be really crazy or really boring. Not sure which one I'd pick if given the choice.

manic panic

This hair color has always been on my "crazy things I need to try" list. But in addition to losing my current job, I likely won't be able to find another one if I go through with it.

Lulu Chang via Tumblr

Sometimes I really hate being practical.