Tonight was pretty darn successful. A friend and I went out to the Pasadena and San Marino areas with my little cousin to go candy-grubbing. Aside from getting stared at awkwardly while half-expectantly waiting for candy that wasn't going to come, my first time trick-or-treating was quite fun :) Not only did we end up with more spoils than I anticipated, but there were also other "big kids" out there shamelessly knocking on doors and asking for chocolate. I don't know what possessed me to dwell on this thought all night...but I kept wondering whether anyone thought my friend and I were a lesbian couple who was taking our adopted child out for some festivities.
Just when we were finishing up for the night and heading back to the car with little cousin sandwiched safely between us, BAM! Weird man offers us candy on a dark, deserted street.
He was wearing red horns and walking in our direction, dropping a low, creepy "hello" as he passed. We said nothing and kept on our way, but the paranoia in me flared to life and I turned my head to make sure he wouldn't follow us. My heart began to race when I saw him stop, turn around and head back in our direction. He seemed to pick up his pace but thankfully walked ahead of us before proceeding to ask us some questions, the last of which was something along the lines of, "I have some candy to get rid of. Do you guys want it?" My friend said, "Suuuuure..." but backtracked after I gave her a panic-stricken look. We told him we already had enough candy and quickly made our escape.
I would've felt better about accepting if he hadn't sounded so damn creepy.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
trick or treat
Too old for it? I think not!
Will let you know how successful it is. With four days left, I neither have a costume idea nor the materials to make one should inspiration strike. Also need to work on procuring a small child to take along. You know, to offset the shadiness of a 20-something-year-old in costume and trick-or-treating. Although I guess it's not half as shady as a grown man in the same position.
Will let you know how successful it is. With four days left, I neither have a costume idea nor the materials to make one should inspiration strike. Also need to work on procuring a small child to take along. You know, to offset the shadiness of a 20-something-year-old in costume and trick-or-treating. Although I guess it's not half as shady as a grown man in the same position.
Friday, October 22, 2010
so cold
Leaving for San Diego in a few hours to visit J for the weekend. Apparently, his mom thinks I'm anemic because I'm always cold. Is that really a sign of anemia?
I thought it was just because I was spoiled by the 24/7 heater at school. Coming back to my icebox of a house and feeling summer shift over to autumn for the first time in years is doing a number on my body. Weeeak.
I thought it was just because I was spoiled by the 24/7 heater at school. Coming back to my icebox of a house and feeling summer shift over to autumn for the first time in years is doing a number on my body. Weeeak.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
on religion
Disclaimer: Originally written stream-of-consciousness style and edited for clarity. It probably didn't help much but you're welcome to attempt to understand. You've been warned.
My coworkers had a discussion about the state of our country's moral system and religion's diminishing influence over the past several decades. I've always found religion very intriguing but haven't dabbled in it too much myself, so I just mainly listened while they voiced their opinions.
Based on the things they said, religion seems to define their perspectives. Makes sense. But for me, as an outsider looking in, it seems like they're imposing restrictions on themselves when they look at the world through the lens of a religion. It's like Life is this unrestricted system and all of a sudden rules are created for it. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but ironically I don't like the thought of that--telling yourself that there is only one framework of right and wrong and you shouldn't deviate from it. Sometimes it's not that easy. I can see that having one standard code of morality that one should adhere to at all times is meant to make life easier by providing some guidelines for how to live but I'm more of the belief that it should be determined on a case-by-case basis...still, listening to them made me feel really inadequate about my own level of personal cultivation.
I've always been indecisive and unsure of myself, and sometimes I feel like I'm being steered toward religion because "it was meant to be that way," that everything I've been thinking and feeling at this point was "predestined" and that religion would be the solution to my confusion. Perhaps it may be. But if I ever choose a religion, I want to make it work for me and not the other way around. And that seems like the wrong attitude to take if I want to choose something like Christianity...it would be selfish and exploitative, and that doesn't seem to align with the religion at all. Maybe I'm just not suitable to be a follower of Christ after all.
I guess the best way I can explain it is, I don't want to look at life through religion; I want to look at religion through life. Religion would be one of many parts of my life, not a defining feature of it.
TL;DR
I don't like rules but maybe The Higher Power knew I'd be lost and confused and is subtly nudging me in the direction of religion. But that might be crazy talk and I'm still resisting it because "fate" is not a good enough reason for me to convert.
My coworkers had a discussion about the state of our country's moral system and religion's diminishing influence over the past several decades. I've always found religion very intriguing but haven't dabbled in it too much myself, so I just mainly listened while they voiced their opinions.
Based on the things they said, religion seems to define their perspectives. Makes sense. But for me, as an outsider looking in, it seems like they're imposing restrictions on themselves when they look at the world through the lens of a religion. It's like Life is this unrestricted system and all of a sudden rules are created for it. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but ironically I don't like the thought of that--telling yourself that there is only one framework of right and wrong and you shouldn't deviate from it. Sometimes it's not that easy. I can see that having one standard code of morality that one should adhere to at all times is meant to make life easier by providing some guidelines for how to live but I'm more of the belief that it should be determined on a case-by-case basis...still, listening to them made me feel really inadequate about my own level of personal cultivation.
I've always been indecisive and unsure of myself, and sometimes I feel like I'm being steered toward religion because "it was meant to be that way," that everything I've been thinking and feeling at this point was "predestined" and that religion would be the solution to my confusion. Perhaps it may be. But if I ever choose a religion, I want to make it work for me and not the other way around. And that seems like the wrong attitude to take if I want to choose something like Christianity...it would be selfish and exploitative, and that doesn't seem to align with the religion at all. Maybe I'm just not suitable to be a follower of Christ after all.
I guess the best way I can explain it is, I don't want to look at life through religion; I want to look at religion through life. Religion would be one of many parts of my life, not a defining feature of it.
TL;DR
I don't like rules but maybe The Higher Power knew I'd be lost and confused and is subtly nudging me in the direction of religion. But that might be crazy talk and I'm still resisting it because "fate" is not a good enough reason for me to convert.
Monday, October 18, 2010
b-bomb
The boyfriend bomb got dropped on the nice-man-old-enough-to-be-my-young-father at long last. After a week of indecisive back-and-forth texting, I finally found the heart and opportunity to let slip my status of "happily taken." I could've easily taken a direct approach and told him that I'm flattered but not interested. Even though he never explicitly said he wanted to date me. But I don't like the idea of embarrassing either of us in the off-chance that those weren't his intentions at all, so I thought the most graceful way of resolving the situation was something I like to call the boyfriend bomb.
It needn't be said that you have to be artful when resorting to this method, otherwise it defeats the purpose of being roundabout in the first place.
Awkward
Him: What do you like to do in your free time?
Her: Sorry, I have a boyfriend so I shouldn't be talking to you anymore.
Him: Uhh, no offense but I'm not even interested in you that way.
Not as awkward
Him: What do you like to do in your free time?
Her: I like to watch movies with my boyfriend.
Him: Oh, that's cool. See you around then.
See, all you have to do is casually slip "my boyfriend" into your response so that you give him the information he needs to know without making it painfully obvious that you're actually telling him to fuck off. It gives him time to process the implications of the situation without embarrassing either of you upfront. Here's an example of what NOT to do.
Anyway, after the bomb was dropped, I never heard back from him. I guess random people you meet at events never want to be just friends.
It needn't be said that you have to be artful when resorting to this method, otherwise it defeats the purpose of being roundabout in the first place.
Awkward
Him: What do you like to do in your free time?
Her: Sorry, I have a boyfriend so I shouldn't be talking to you anymore.
Him: Uhh, no offense but I'm not even interested in you that way.
Not as awkward
Him: What do you like to do in your free time?
Her: I like to watch movies with my boyfriend.
Him: Oh, that's cool. See you around then.
See, all you have to do is casually slip "my boyfriend" into your response so that you give him the information he needs to know without making it painfully obvious that you're actually telling him to fuck off. It gives him time to process the implications of the situation without embarrassing either of you upfront. Here's an example of what NOT to do.
Anyway, after the bomb was dropped, I never heard back from him. I guess random people you meet at events never want to be just friends.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
he might be shady, but then again so am i
I'm getting the vibe that the stranger who asked me out might be kinda sketchy. You might ask, "Well, if he's so sketchy, why don't you just stop talking to him?" Ah, but that would strip my already-boring life of a potential source of entertainment. I guess that makes me pretty sketchy myself. Shhh.
I went to look him up on the social networking sites that I use and managed to find him through one of them. What intrigued me about the situation was his "in a relationship" status and how he immediately changed his profile after I friended him so that the status was nowhere to be found. Then he told me that it was difficult for him to get back on because he hadn't been on in a long time. Riiight. So here he is, telling me that he just happened to check his page on the very same day that I added him, and then conveniently removed his relationship status. Maybe this social website notifies you via email when you get requests and I'm just being a super skeptic. Or maybe he's sketchy. Let us see what happens next...
I went to look him up on the social networking sites that I use and managed to find him through one of them. What intrigued me about the situation was his "in a relationship" status and how he immediately changed his profile after I friended him so that the status was nowhere to be found. Then he told me that it was difficult for him to get back on because he hadn't been on in a long time. Riiight. So here he is, telling me that he just happened to check his page on the very same day that I added him, and then conveniently removed his relationship status. Maybe this social website notifies you via email when you get requests and I'm just being a super skeptic. Or maybe he's sketchy. Let us see what happens next...
Monday, October 11, 2010
too nice to say no
If my weekend activities have taught me anything, it's that I'm painfully awkward and altogether too nice to say no when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. Apparently, males and females interpret friendliness quite differently...I should've known that too. Blah!
Now the nice man who is probably old enough to be my young father seems to be interested in more than a platonic, professional relationship. The whole thing is a little reminiscent of Memoirs of a Geisha to me, except the part where I'm secretly in love with him and want him to have my babies. Which is to say, this is nothing like the book but I can't think of another example off the top of my head so Sayuri and her chairman will have to do.
Even when it started becoming more clear what his true intentions were, I wasn't able to bring myself to set him straight. Gee, I wonder how this'll pan out...
Now the nice man who is probably old enough to be my young father seems to be interested in more than a platonic, professional relationship. The whole thing is a little reminiscent of Memoirs of a Geisha to me, except the part where I'm secretly in love with him and want him to have my babies. Which is to say, this is nothing like the book but I can't think of another example off the top of my head so Sayuri and her chairman will have to do.
Even when it started becoming more clear what his true intentions were, I wasn't able to bring myself to set him straight. Gee, I wonder how this'll pan out...
i need sleep
In the last three days, I have:
- gotten a whopping 7 hours of sleep,
- eaten two weeks' worth of dessert but somehow managed to get slightly thinner,
- gotten hit on by an older man,
- realized my butt is smaller now and am surprised to find that I'm not happy about it,
- gotten asked out by a complete stranger for the first time,
- gotten really drunk while already drunk on sleep deprivation.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
no regrets, just love
I still get a little misty-eyed every time I think about J's impending departure, but I'm mildly comforted by the fact that it isn't likely to happen until November. He came up to visit me for a day and a half and as always, we pigged out like there was no tomorrow and talked much more than usual about nothing at all.
After indulging in Daikokuya for dinner on Saturday night, we went on a double date with Elise and Greg to see Easy A. Feeling guilty that I was dragging him into something that might've been too much of a chick flick, I paid for J's ticket. It was a fun and mindless movie, with a balanced mix of humor and drama. The whole making-a-statement-by-wearing-lingerie-in-public idea was impressed upon me, and now I'm tempted to emulate it simply because I'm actually pretty conservative in real life. Call it irony. Oftentimes I wonder how people perceive me. I already know I'm kind of judged for my interests. I guess they'd be surprised to know I've been keeping a blog too.
Today we made the trip out to West Covina to have delicious Malaysian food at a restaurant we used to frequent in college called Penang. Absolute favorite dishes are the mi goreng (definitely not the same as the instant noodles I mentioned before) and kacang pendek, which are string beans covered in a funky-smelling but mouthwatering fish paste. Sooo good.
Now we're going to switch gears. My spotting lately has done nothing to assuage my fears of premature parenthood, especially because I've never ever spotted in my entire history of periods. If I'm stressed out, I just skip entirely. So I insisted that we make a run to Target and find out once and for all whether there's a bun in the oven. Clutching a box of tests as discreetly as possible while waiting in line, I avoided all unnecessary eye contact until I got to the cashier, who glanced at my purchase and then at me before she smiled sympathetically. How embarrassing! I finished the transaction and ducked into the restroom where I settled into a stall to read the directions and get the whole thing over with. I have to say, those tests are pretty darn fancy for how quickly they get discarded...
Sadly enough, it turns out that my developing roll is more likely due to overindulgence in palatable pleasures than sexual ones. And so, as one anxiety is relieved, another is born in its stead.
After indulging in Daikokuya for dinner on Saturday night, we went on a double date with Elise and Greg to see Easy A. Feeling guilty that I was dragging him into something that might've been too much of a chick flick, I paid for J's ticket. It was a fun and mindless movie, with a balanced mix of humor and drama. The whole making-a-statement-by-wearing-lingerie-in-public idea was impressed upon me, and now I'm tempted to emulate it simply because I'm actually pretty conservative in real life. Call it irony. Oftentimes I wonder how people perceive me. I already know I'm kind of judged for my interests. I guess they'd be surprised to know I've been keeping a blog too.
Today we made the trip out to West Covina to have delicious Malaysian food at a restaurant we used to frequent in college called Penang. Absolute favorite dishes are the mi goreng (definitely not the same as the instant noodles I mentioned before) and kacang pendek, which are string beans covered in a funky-smelling but mouthwatering fish paste. Sooo good.
Now we're going to switch gears. My spotting lately has done nothing to assuage my fears of premature parenthood, especially because I've never ever spotted in my entire history of periods. If I'm stressed out, I just skip entirely. So I insisted that we make a run to Target and find out once and for all whether there's a bun in the oven. Clutching a box of tests as discreetly as possible while waiting in line, I avoided all unnecessary eye contact until I got to the cashier, who glanced at my purchase and then at me before she smiled sympathetically. How embarrassing! I finished the transaction and ducked into the restroom where I settled into a stall to read the directions and get the whole thing over with. I have to say, those tests are pretty darn fancy for how quickly they get discarded...
Sadly enough, it turns out that my developing roll is more likely due to overindulgence in palatable pleasures than sexual ones. And so, as one anxiety is relieved, another is born in its stead.
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