pit stop

It's hard to have drive when you have no direction. I want to give my life some meaning and find something that motivates me enough to pull me forward...because I'm getting tired of only being pushed forward. But what's worth gravitating toward?

Mid-day drive on new year's eve, 2010

I've been feeling so unfulfilled lately. And it's made me wonder whether I would feel more at peace with my situation if I was more spiritual. The idea that there's something beyond our reality is very comforting. Even if life is shitty, I'd at least feel like there's a reason for it, even if it's beyond my understanding right now. You know what I mean? But because I don't prescribe to any religion, I tend to function under the assumption that this life is all I have and once I've lived it, there's nothing else. Can you see how that might be a little cold and depressing?

As I've expressed before though, I don't want to dive into a religion for the express purpose of seeking comfort. I'm sure many people find their spirituality this way, which is fine. But it feels insincere and irreverent.

To be honest, I'm a little afraid of embracing a religion because it'll become yet another part of me that I'll have to take responsibility for. And for this reason, I really admire people who can logically justify and firmly hold onto their religious beliefs. It takes courage to defend what you believe in.

There's no real point to this post except that I have a lot of thoughts and feelings that I need to work through.